An idea for a reality TV show

Have you noticed that be it sports, entertainment or politics (probably to a lesser extent in politics), the questions asked by the media sound the same, and in most cases repeated? And this has been going on for a while now and the person being interviewed gives the same clichéd answers?

I think it would be a good idea to come up with a reality show where the TV channel picks a celebrity (for lack of a better word) a week and invites viewers to mail them a bunch of questions they would like to ask the celebrity. The person with the most interesting set of questions gets to interview the celebrity on the next show.

But the one loop hole with this program would come in from who makes the selections. If it’s the same bunch of journalists, you already know what the questions are.

But I still think this would make for an interesting show.

Guru

This is not a Mani Rathnam movie for the following reasons:

1. Characters are half-baked.
2. The movie is not “slow”.
3. There are way too many dialogues, especially from Bachchan
4. The women are here for the glamour.
5. The children don’t have a role.
6. The background music sucks at many places.
7. Choreography? Really?
8. Screenplay. Missing.

Mithunda – Awesome
Vidya Balan, Madhavan – I can understand why you did this movie
Aishwarya – Please marry Abhishek and stop acting (I cringe to even say it)
Abhishek – Getting better.
Rajeev Menon – Getting worse.
Rahman – Still God.
Mani Rathnam – Why?

On the court there is Federer, and then God.

Music – Patchai Kili Muthucharam

Harris Jayaraj gets better …

… but he needs to realize that bass is not everything. Untill then, long live the king!

New proposal to change the Indian cricket team

After a Kalinga Kamgar Sena activist slapped the Indian coach on his back for not slecting an Orissa player in the Indian cricket team, the HRD minister immediately proposed new laws to counter this issue. In an exclusive interview to this correspondent, he said,

“I believe that the people of India have spoken to me through the KKS sevak. The selection process for the Indian cricket team will be completely revamped.”

He went on to explain his proposal, if passed (which a source from the ministry claimed will be, unanimously) will increase the number of players in the Indian cricket team to 35, one player for each state and union territory. When asked how this will affect the teams from other countries, he replied,

“We have thought about this in great depth. Australia, for instance, has only six states and so will have to play only with six players. We believe this would give India a good chance to beat them in the World Cup.”

When questions about the ICC’s opinions were raised, he claimed that the ICC was in his “pocket” and will soon be renamed as Indian Cricket Council and so will not be an issue.

The sports minister chipped in saying that this could be the best thing that ever happened to Indian sports. When asked if this law would apply to other sports such as football and hockey, he expressed surprise and denied vehemently the existence of an Indian football team, thereby confirming what many have always believed to be the truth.

Mr.Veerasamy, the self-proclaimed greatest Indian cricket fan cheered them on and added, “ Maaaan, this is the new world order, maaaan. The Rang de effect, maaan.” He went on to confirm that he was also the self-proclaimed greatest Rang de Basanti fan.

When Rahul Dravid was asked for comments, he said, “The boys have been playing well so far. We have learnt a great deal from this. I am confident that this will only make us a better team.” The correspondent could hear a tape recorder being turned off immediately after he made this comment.

An unnamed source from Cricinfo added that this was all because of Sourav Ganguly’s inclusion in the team and that he was trying to turn the players against te coach and the captain. He went on to explain that Orissa was a neighbor state to West Bengal, which is where Ganguly comes from. If that doesn’t explain everything, nothing does, he concluded.

Happiness

The spec on the wall now seemed to grow blurry and big. He blinked absently and it disappeared. He looked away from the wall and searched his room to find a better spot to stare it. He got up as he could not find one and walked up to the window. The faint line of the moon was already visible though the sun had not yet set. She will be home soon. He had to tell her his decision today. He still did not know how to break it to her. But he knew he had. It was for her own good. If she was not strong enough to kick him out of her life, he will walk out of it himself. The irony brought a smile on hic face.

When will he stop hailing himself as a hero? The ego of his was unbelievable. A writer’s ego. A celebrity’s ego. But he had never been comfortable with it, never learnt to live with it. This was what had tricked him to believe that he was good for her.

But he had always known deep inside that he was not. He had always been the righteous. He had always been the hypocrite. He had always been the more successful. He had always been lucky. He had always been open-minded. He had always made her see things his way. He had always seemed generous. He had always been selfish.

But he really did not care. He felt alive with her. She made him feel like a hero from the Greek mythology. And he loved it. He did not care what he was doing to her. And he never realized when he became dependent on her. She was his life support. But what he did not realize was that he was draining the life out of her. He did not want to realize that. He did not want to acknowledge that. The stronger he was becoming, the weaker he made her. And he did not care.

Until he realized something he had refused to accept. But once he realized that everything looked clearer, everything looked so simple. He couldn’t understand why it took him such a long time to understand that he loved her.

He smiled again involuntarily. He now knew what love was all about. He now knew what she was all about. He had tried hard to put that in perspective. He had tried hard to live that emotion he felt for her. He had again failed to realize the extent of his own corruption. He could not get off that pathetic life he had gotten into. He was no longer in control.

He heard keys slide into the lock on the door and the door opened. She waltzed in and he watched her as the room moved in slow motion.

“Beautiful day, wasn’t it?”

He grabbed her hand and forced her to sit next to him. He had to talk to her before she said anything. He did not look up to her.

“I think we should break up. I think I have hurt you enough and I don’t want to anymore. I have been a monster and I don’t understand why you put up with me in the first place. I can’t even apologize for what …”

“Budhu. You think too much and end up complicating stuff. Life is a lot simpler than the stupid books you write. You know what your problem is ….”

Abhiwarya. Bah.

Continuing with the bah posts …

Is it just me or does made up names like Abhiwarya or Brangelina irritate the shit out of you?

I may be doing a Nilu here, but every time I come across these terms I almost puke.

Indian squad for the West Indies series

The squad for the first 2 matches against the West Indies has been chosen and it seems like the selectors have made a huge gamble here. This is the squad:

Rahul Dravid (captain), Sachin Tendulkar (v/c), Gautam Gambhir, Sourav Ganguly, Robin Uthappa, Joginder Sharma, Ajit Agarkar, M S Dhoni, R P Singh, Dinesh Karthik, Suresh Raina, Zaheer Khan, S Sreesanth, Ramesh Powar, Harbhajan Singh.

With Sehwag out of the team, we need a new opener and I think Robin Uthappa, Gautam Gambhir or Dinesh Karthik is going to get the nod and will be opening with Tendulkar. And no, I don’t think Ganguly will be made to open because if he does open then our middle order is going to be very weak. I would like to see Robin given a chance here. The funny thing though is that Robin was once a wicketkeeper-batsman, which means we now have four players who have kept wickets in a 15 member squad. Anyways, Dravid should definitely come in at number 3 and Ganguly at number 4.

We now have three players vying for the 5 and 6 slots. I am sure most people would want Raina kept out and have Dinesh Karthik, who seems to be in good form and Joginder Sharma in those positions. Though I would really like to have Karthik in the team, I would go for Raina. This is for two reasons. One, he has faired well on Indian wickets and has more experience than the others. Two, he is a left hand batsman. Also, we will need someone like Joginder because with Sehwag out of the team, we cannot afford to have Sachin bowling 10 overs. Ganguly could chip in, but he has never been good on Indian wickets. Unless we go for 5 bowlers, which would be a big gamble with the current batting line up and form.

Other than the fourth bowler, the rest of the team pick themselves: Dhoni, Harbhajan, Zaheer and Sreesanth. Depending on the pitch we can pick Agarkar or Powar.

I would have been happy if they had found a place for Laxman. I would pick him any day over Raina or Karthik. The other surprising factor seems to be that the selectors did not mention anything about the status of Yuvraj Singh’s fitness.

That’s my team:

Sachin Tendulkar, Robin Uthappa, Rahul Dravid, Sourav Ganguly, Suresh Raina, Joginder Sharma, M S Dhoni, Ajit Agarkar, Zaheer Khan, S Sreesanth, Harbhajan Singh.

What with the changes and everything, I only hope that the selectors stick with it. I dont want them to go back and pick Sehwag and Pathan again if we lose the first two matches.

meaning of life. bs.

Why do we always have to find a meaning for our lives? Why do we have to try and understand the bigger picture? Why should we accept that we are minuscule, infinitesimal points on a huge canvas? Why do these questions even matter and why should I even bother to answer them?

Am I being cynical in saying that there is no bigger picture and even if there is one, there is no point in even trying to figure it out? Wouldn’t proof of existence of a bigger picture be in itself a proof that there is no way we can ever understand it? Why am I asking so many questions?

Friends. Bah.

I have no idea what I am doing here. You have already said that twice. I know, but I still don’t … Can we talk about something else now? Ok, if you insist. This music is too loud. I know, our pants seem to flapping and we are wearing jean. Oh, that’s because we are standing right next to the speakers. Oh yeah, let’s move away, shall we? Good idea. This is much better. But the music is still too loud. I know, can’t help it I guess. Where are the others? Dancing, I suppose. Why don’t you go join them? Same reason why you did not. You don’t have to be stupid just because I am. Come on, you are not stupid and I definitely am not. Bah, forget it, why do I even bother with you. Yeah right, this from a person who wouldn’t dance even if his life depended on it. You know I might rather look dumb than look uncool. Really, and right now you are looking dumb, but cool? Why don’t we just drop it? Sure thing twinkle toes. Thanks Sinatra.

Why don’t we just watch these nice people now? No can do. I don’t want to loose track of where our friends are. Then we will end up spending all of the night alone. Hmm. I think you should come to terms with the fact that we are alone right now. Stop talking, I almost missed them. Forget them, will you. Ok. I have no idea how so many of these are crammed in such a small space. They should have a limit to the number of people they let inside this place. I know what you mean. Its like that theatre in Kgiri, selling more tickets than the seats. This is much worse buddy. Its 50 bucks to just get in here and another 50 if you want to sit down. Its daylight robbery, I say. Ehem, its about 11 in the night? Whatever, you know what I mean. Where were we? Something about watching the nice people? Hey don’t push me. What’s wrong with all these people? Don’t they have any courtesy? Hey you, big guy, stop dancing on my toes. I think we got too close to the dance floor. We should move away, probably? Dude, we never moved from where we parked our fat ass feet. The floor is overflowing. Oh my god, what are we gonna do? What are we gonna do? Dude, get a grip. Its just people. I know but they are overflowing – overflowing Jerry. Just relax, will ya George? There – watch that couple in that corner.

Yeah right. People, get a room. Atleast, that’s gonna stop this overflow. Hey, look at this other guy. That’s right. Just dance in front of her. Yes, you are going to get the girl hired by the club to dance on them elevated things. Right. That’s it. Just remove your shirt buttons and she is going to fall right into your lap. And while you are at it, will you please not do this right in front of me. Let’e move away, shall we. This guy is really giving me the creeps. Sure. Thank you. I really appreciate that. Oh yes, that’s it. I am the human inhaler. Blow all your cigarette smoke at me and I will save you from cancer. Yes, a little to your left and there. You got it right into my face. Good job. Buddy, I think you are loosing it here. Hell, I am. Some body please get me out of here.

Hey, you don’t have to grope me to go around me. What? Dude, don’t glare at these people. They are atleast three times our size. You want me to take it sitting down? I wish we could. People, I tell you. Disgusting. How can they even do this in public? Whoa, stop going all Mr.Saint on me just cause you are not with someone and are not enjoying it. Come on, I need all the reasons I can get to bitch about. What is the time? Are these people ever going to stop dancing? Hey, where did they go? You made me miss them. Relax, they just moved three feet to the left. Oh, good. I can seem them again. What is the time? Eleven forty, I think. So are these guys even gonna come and talk to us when the clock strikes twelve? Why would you want that? Doesn’t the clock strike twelve every night? Isn’t there a midnight every night? What so special about this one? Or did I hear you wrong a few hours ago? I know, but if I wanted to spend it all alone I might have as well have stayed home. So are these people gonna come or not? I don’t see em doing it buddy. It’s just gonna be us tonight, just like you said, like every other night.

“Dei, come join us now.”

No thank you. What are you doing here? Why aren’t you dancing aswell?

“Taking a break.”

Oh cool. Thank god atleast one of them turned up. I had almost given hope. How much longer till that damn clock strikes twelve? Five minutes? Good. Good. I hope we should be able to get outta here a little after that. Don’t get your hopes too high. You know how these people are. I know. Oh yeah, the stupid countdown. Do they have to do it every year?

“Happy new year da.”

Oh yeah. Happy new year. Is any body even going to bother wishing us? No. Ok. I get it. My feet are hurting. Mine too. Good thing we cut short the hike, and didn’t go for the six hour one as planned. You know who to thank for that. Now you are just being mean. And I think I have earned the right to be.

“I am going to ask them if they are ready to leave.”

Good idea. Thank god for this guy. Can I kiss him? Can I? Please, just this once. Aren’t you homophobic or something? What you are not man enough to kiss him? Ha ha ha. I get it. Shut up, will ya?

I think I see them coming out of that maze. Really, can you see them? Can you? Can you? Stop acting like you are a two year old. And stop jumping. You said your feet already hurt.

“Happy new year.”

“Yeah, happy new year to you too.”

Are all of us here? Good. Can we get the hell out of this place? What? You have to go to the restroom? Don’t go. These restrooms are really dirty you know. You can go first, soon as we get home. No, don’t go … Hey, you. Where the hell do you think you are going? To dance? Again? Somebody pin this guy down and I will handcuff him. What are you doing? Don’t let that guy go? Awesome. Now we are back to square one.

AAAAAAARGH. Did anybody hear that? No? Thank god.

“I am so … oops, sorry.”

“Thats alright. Don’t worry about it.”

What the hell did she apologize to him for? She ran her sword (shoes, heels) through my feet and she is apologizing to him? Drunk bitch. Relax, buddy. You are loosing it. You heard the scream, didn’t you? I almost lost a toe there and that’s a lot more than “it”. Its Ok. We are gonna get outta here soon.

Everybody here? Head count please. Six. Did someone say six? Awesome. I am outta here. Air. Rain. Beautiful. I think I am still alive. So am I! We made it, buddy. We made it.

Remind me why we went there again, will ya? We wanted to spend new year’s with friends. Right.

Friends. Bah.