Existence

The feeling of loneliness hit him suddenly and left him grasping for air. The room seemed to suddenly close in on him. He could see the walls moving closer and closer. The dull throbbing at the back of his head got louder. Images of people started flashing in front of him. His first girlfriend, his high-school friend, his boss, his mother, his 4th grade teacher… and as more and more images kept flashing, the lonelier he felt. Where had all these people gone? Where have his friends gone? Did he ever have friends?

He wanted to cry out aloud. He looked at his phone lying on the bed. He wanted it to ring very badly. The need to be wanted tore through his body and he felt himself being ripped apart. When he opened his eyes he realized how pathetic his entire existence had become. He wondered if he could stoop any lower. He searched for the once proud ego, though he knew it was futile. In his effort to please everybody he had lost his self.

He was no longer alive. How can one live without his self? But wasn’t he living proof that it can be done? But then, how do you define living? Was he living? Was he alive?

As if to confirm his lack of existence, his body refused to move. He sat there numb, hands across his folded feet, the tears now flowing uncontrollably. What has he become, the faint trace of an ego asked him? What had made him what he … he couldn’t say the word “is”, as it would signify his existence, which he could no longer acknowledge.

He forced himself to lay back and he slowly closed his eyes.

On the court there is Federer, and then God.

Abhiwarya. Bah.

Continuing with the bah posts …

Is it just me or does made up names like Abhiwarya or Brangelina irritate the shit out of you?

I may be doing a Nilu here, but every time I come across these terms I almost puke.

One of the longest lines I have come across in a Hindi song is in Bas…Ek Pal

And, I love that song.