Guilt

She made her way back to the window again and looked out casually. She turned away sharply, irritation clearly written all over her face and sat down in front of the clock. Kumar said he will pick her up at eight and it was ten past. But she can wait, she thought. She had waited almost two years for this one meeting. And she was hoping that he will give her enough information to bring the plant down. And then, hopefully, all this will be over. The threats, blank phone calls in the middle of the night, slashed car tires. She was not afraid. But she wanted all this to end. She had something more to look forward to now, she thought as she ran her hand fondly over her slightly bulging belly. But she had been very afraid for him.

She looked up to see a figure slouched over a table reading something as if it was the last thing he would ever read in his life. Her husband, the lawyer. He had been almost killing himself with work over the last year. And she did not blame him. She did not earn a lot of money, the paper did not pay her much. But he understood why this was so important to her. He had been paying for most of her trips. And with the baby coming, he was working for three people now. And it had started to show. They were hardly ever home at the same time and even when they were conversation always revolved around work. Somewhere in the last one year they had lost themselves in their work. But he had been so happy when she had told him about her pregnancy. He had made time for every single doctor appointment. Those trips to the doctor were the closest to how things had been when they had just married.

She wished she had been honest with him. But she had promised herself that she would tell him once all this was over. She wished she had not slept with Kumar. It was a moment of weakness, a moment of need. It was something both of them had regretted later. She had never even thought about carrying someone else’s baby, but she was. She had not told anyone, not even Kumar. She looked at her husband again. But she had to tell him. Once this was all over, she promised herself again.

As she looked up at the clock again, she heard a car pull up below the window. She walked quickly to it and saw Kumar wave out, indicating to her to come down. She nodded to him and walked towards the door.

“Are you sure you want to do this?”

He was looking at her intently from the table. The light seemed to fall on his eyes alone, casting a shadow over the rest of his face. His eyes looked a little moist and a little red. Had he been crying, afraid for her? She had never seen him cry before.

“You know I have to. And Kumar is going to be there. I should be safe …”

“… with him. I know. I wish I could stop … ”

“It will all be over tonight. I promise.”

“I know.”

“I will see you soon. I love you.”

He did not reply. He watched her go out the door and the door close behind her. He was lost for a minute and when he recovered, his eyes were suddenly clear. If she had seen them now she would have been equally surprised. It was almost as if he had fallen asleep with his eyes open. He searched for his lighter and found it behind the ash tray. He picked up the document he was reading and held the lighter to it. He watched it burn slowly in his hands and then dropped it in the ash tray in the last minute before the flames licked his fingers.

He picked up his cellphone and slid open its back. He removed the battery and pulled his simcard out. He fished into his pocket and pulled out another simcard. He slid it into his phone, placed the battery and slid back the top. He looked down at the little piece of paper fluttering on his table and dialed the number on it.

“Forest Grove Apartments. Number 217. Half an hour.”

He put the phone down and looked at the door again. He wished he had been strong enough to stop her, strong enough to forgive her.

* * * *

“Sudha Raman had been investigating the Prudent Chemical Company. Her articles had brought them a lot of bad press and their stocks had tumbled in the last 6 months. The state government has been contemplating setting up a committee to investigate their operations and she would have been a very important witness at the hearing, if there will ever be one now. But the interesting twist is that she was found in an apartment with a man. Was she doing her job? Or was she with her lover? The DCP earlier told reporters tHer husband, Raja Raman – a lawyer, has been picked up for questioning and is one of the suspects. Is this a cold blooded murder by a ruthless company? Or is this a crime of passion? Only time will tell.”