Moving on …

December 8th is her birthday. I just got a reminder from one of those online Birthday reminder programs. It still sends a chill down my spine. It’s almost over a year since she took her life and I still don’t understand. The only reason the police were able to provide was that it was because some one spurned her love. I came to know this through friends. I did not know her personally. We were in the same class for about 3 years. She was one of the few girls in my class whom I respected.

I used to find her to be independent, intelligent and friendly. I had heard that she was one of the most out spoken and helpful person around. Somehow, she gave an expression of a very confident person, sure of where she was headed. That is why her death came as even more of a surprise. It completely shattered the illusions I had about life. I always believed in taking life as it comes. I had no issues, no complaints. I could not understand why some one would want to take their life.

I have moved to a point where I can understand that your life is your own property and you have every right to do what you want with it. If you think living is futile, you have every right to end it. But I also believe that it is a selfish decision. It might not worry you that you are also a part of other people’s lives and do matter to them. You don’t have to think about the impact your death will have on people who really love you and care about you. It’s your prerogative. But it still makes you a selfish person. If you can die with it, then so be it.

I am also trying hard not to be judgmental about some one else’s life. But some how I am finding it very difficult.

But, whatever I say or do does not really matter. She is not there any more and that is the truth.