Voices

I hear voices in my head all the time. A million voices. Each one different from the other. Telling me what to do, what to say, what to think, what to be. Who are these voices and how did they get a hold of me? It has become a struggle to find my voice among them.

And these voices always talk to me, never to each other. My emotions are governed by them. They tell me when I am happy. I laugh when the say I ought to and I cry when the command me to. I see the world through their instincts. They define what beauty is. They tell me that the rain is beautiful and the rain drops magic. They listen to music, not me. I hear what they want to. They explain the world to me. They tell me what to do and how to do it.

And there is this one voice, I hate the most. It never allows me to do what I want. It lives by a million rules and expects me to follow them. And none of these rules are easy to stick to. And when I break even the slightest of rules, it fills my head up with some really strange voices. And these voices dont stop till I make things right again. And when I listen to it, it fills me up with a strange array of emotions which range from satisfaction to pride. It is the strangest of all voices.

I dont know when these voices entered me and when I lost control. I do not have respite even when am asleep. I hear them in my dreams. And I can no longer find my voice among them. The line between them and me has blurred so much that I cannot see it anymore. I do not know if its my voice in them or theirs in mine. Did I ever have a voice of my own?